Insignificance — A Chat.

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I’ve been meaning to write about a little something that’s been (sorta) occasionally troubling me. ‘Troubling’ not as ‘its upsetting’ or anything but it’s just making me think about wanting to try something new/different. I know I’m making no sense right now and this shroud of vagueness might seem unnecessary but uh, please stay a while and read ahead..maybe I’ll reach some clarity.

Anyway, so it’s about the future of this blog, the future of my writing as it is, and the future that I would like to work towards.

Now before I hope I’ve scared you, don’t freak out, I’m in no way quitting, there’s no abandoning or betrayal or any-other-sad-stuff-you-can-think-of-like-a-sunken-Oreo, it’s kind of the opposite. I’ve had this blog for 2 wonderful years, in which, on a personal scale, I’ve achieved stuff I wouldn’t otherwise ever could. Sure, I still don’t have my own page on Wikipedia but that doesn’t match the feeling of opening up your browser, typing the letter ‘t’ and landing on a page that looks absolutely average, yes, but it feels like home.

And now I know I’m doing what I usually do when I attempt to talk (or write) in a straightforward manner i.e. not be straightforward enough but what I’m saying is that looking at this blog, its front-page, makes me consider it as an extension of myself, one which grows a little each day and reminds me why an 18 year can chase after her dream.

A dream that I’m uncertain of, to be honest. That’s the crux of the matter, I guess. What do I want this blog to grow into? I don’t know if I have the audacity to control the path it takes, I’m half part confused and other part motivated (also all-part lazy but that’s a talk for some other time..). It’s just the thought of why does putting so much effort even matter when no one is going to bother caring or even noticing what I do and I know I should hate thinking like that. I can’t let self doubt get in the way of becoming a better writer, gaining a greater online presence and of making things I’m proud of.

So I guess this is a sort of pep talk to myself, a shoulder pat against the feeling of insignificance.

Tinkerer of Words, for me, has, and will continue to be, bigger than just a blog. In fact, it’s the starting line and I am mustn’t be afraid of running. 

 

-Toto

Also shoutout to Kate over at plethoricthoughts who’s been having thoughts of revamping her blog! Reading her posts on the struggle has been oddly therapeutic and ya’ll should go check her blog even though I’m not being paid, nor asked, to do this. (#WouldNotMindBeingPaidThou 😉 )

Much Punctual. Very Wow.

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Aye. Please find yourself some comfy sofa and a cup of english tea (or eh american coffee? o_O ) and let’s have a good ol’ chat.

How are you all doing? Everything going alright? I hope you’re all splendidly being awesome. (and if not, then ya know what they say? Keep Calm And Carry On!)

So I know I haven’t been able to post for so long now. As far as I can remember, I was never the kind to abandon this blog for more than 2 weeks (at max.), except for this time. Thus, it is a bit disappointing to set such a demotivating personal new record. But why haven’t I been a punctual blogger you ask? Well 2 reasons.

First of which was a weirdly-timed vacation. I had to go to Pakistan with the fam despite not have any official school holidays and that meant missing out on classes which in turn meant a lot of self studying or ahem lack thereof, to be more precise. Pffft, totally not surprising. XD

2nd reason was what followed my lack of preparation. Yep, you’ve guessed it: EXAMS. Wretched little things. I returned to KSA about 2 days before my first exam and I don’t want to get into too many details but exam time was a time of great panic and unspeakable terror. *shivers*

ANYWAY, all that is done with. Now, I’m on an official post-exams holiday. However, there’s still a matter that needs my attention. It’s one of those forks in life where you aren’t really very much in control of the path ahead and all you can do is DO the best you can, with what you’re provided. I will write about it only when I’ve dealt with it..so sorry for being all vague right now. I’ll explain soon. I hope. 🙄

On another note, my previous posts have mostly been random bits of poetry. It’s difficult not to write poems..? Odd, I know. There’s just something about my amateur attempts at poetry that I end up with a lot of hopefully okay poems. Wish I had a better reason but uhhh that’s all I can think of. Nonetheless, I still do miss writing longer pieces like I used to. They definitely involved a lot more thinking, phrasing and editing in general. But not to worry, I will try to get back to that format as quick as willingly as possibly (since you can’t exactly force yourself to write a certain way, I guess. not without enough practice at least!).

ALSO, HOW COULD I FORGET. It’s 2016 now. Old news, no? Much punctual. Very wow. I wish you all have a blessed new year that brings betterment for you AND your loved ones, in EVERY way. Likewise, ToW will (I pray) continue to grow in 2016. This blogging endeavour has already taught me so much and I dearly wish, with all your support, I get to learn even more.

I personally can’t help but feel a certain mixture of awe and gratitude that we actually get to start a completely NEW year. I know we kind of take it for granted like it’s no big deal but to be fortunate enough for YET another chance to do stuff, improve stuff, IS, truly wonderful. Wouldn’t you say ❓

Haha, I just noticed how much I’ve managed to blabber. Hence, without an unnecessarily long outro, that’s all for today. I’ll see you next time. Take cares.

-Toto

 

Cherishing — A Chat.

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I’ve been meaning to write a straight-forward-ish post for a really long time now. As you might’ve noticed, there’s been a surge in the poetry category here at ToW. Truth is, for me, it is much easier to convey things in writing, behind a shroud of vagueness that comes with poetry. I don’t even know if that’s how poetry should be? I mean it ought to make things clearer, right? ANYWAY.

But yeah. The newest thing so far is: school. 
As I’ve mentioned in my previous post(s), some time back in November 2014, I moved to a different city. And now I’ve finally started school here i.e. I’m the “new kid”…it’s not that bad, to be honest. 😛

ANYWAY#2, I wouldn’t like to bore you with mundane school related talk so let’s move on..

You know, It’s difficult not to miss what you’re no longer part of. Being a stranger to your surroundings is no doubt, intimidating and nerve-wreaking and can be really, really upsetting. But hey, we all (or at least most of us..) know those hardships pretty well. What we don’t so much notice or appreciate is how all things familiar, were once, not. Like somehow:
time twists and turns and poof!
Comfort comes.

You can’t map this change on paper or even explain it as well as you can thoroughly feel it.

Such an incredible phenomenon is incredibly human.

It reminds us that we are not confined to being a single puzzle’s lonesome piece. Sure, certain people elevate us in terms of feeling content or better, but the lack of this elevation doesn’t mean you forget that you’re still standing.

And that alone, is worth cherishing.


-Toto