I’ve been meaning to write about a little something that’s been (sorta) occasionally troubling me. ‘Troubling’ not as ‘its upsetting’ or anything but it’s just making me think about wanting to try something new/different. I know I’m making no sense right now and this shroud of vagueness might seem unnecessary but uh, please stay a while and read ahead..maybe I’ll reach some clarity.
Anyway, so it’s about the future of this blog, the future of my writing as it is, and the future that I would like to work towards.
Now before I hope I’ve scared you, don’t freak out, I’m in no way quitting, there’s no abandoning or betrayal or any-other-sad-stuff-you-can-think-of-like-a-sunken-Oreo, it’s kind of the opposite. I’ve had this blog for 2 wonderful years, in which, on a personal scale, I’ve achieved stuff I wouldn’t otherwise ever could. Sure, I still don’t have my own page on Wikipedia but that doesn’t match the feeling of opening up your browser, typing the letter ‘t’ and landing on a page that looks absolutely average, yes, but it feels like home.
And now I know I’m doing what I usually do when I attempt to talk (or write) in a straightforward manner i.e. not be straightforward enough but what I’m saying is that looking at this blog, its front-page, makes me consider it as an extension of myself, one which grows a little each day and reminds me why an 18 year can chase after her dream.
A dream that I’m uncertain of, to be honest. That’s the crux of the matter, I guess. What do I want this blog to grow into? I don’t know if I have the audacity to control the path it takes, I’m half part confused and other part motivated (also all-part lazy but that’s a talk for some other time..). It’s just the thought of why does putting so much effort even matter when no one is going to bother caring or even noticing what I do and I know I should hate thinking like that. I can’t let self doubt get in the way of becoming a better writer, gaining a greater online presence and of making things I’m proud of.
So I guess this is a sort of pep talk to myself, a shoulder pat against the feeling of insignificance.
Tinkerer of Words, for me, has, and will continue to be, bigger than just a blog. In fact, it’s the starting line and I am mustn’t be afraid of running.