Insignificance — A Chat.

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I’ve been meaning to write about a little something that’s been (sorta) occasionally troubling me. ‘Troubling’ not as ‘its upsetting’ or anything but it’s just making me think about wanting to try something new/different. I know I’m making no sense right now and this shroud of vagueness might seem unnecessary but uh, please stay a while and read ahead..maybe I’ll reach some clarity.

Anyway, so it’s about the future of this blog, the future of my writing as it is, and the future that I would like to work towards.

Now before I hope I’ve scared you, don’t freak out, I’m in no way quitting, there’s no abandoning or betrayal or any-other-sad-stuff-you-can-think-of-like-a-sunken-Oreo, it’s kind of the opposite. I’ve had this blog for 2 wonderful years, in which, on a personal scale, I’ve achieved stuff I wouldn’t otherwise ever could. Sure, I still don’t have my own page on Wikipedia but that doesn’t match the feeling of opening up your browser, typing the letter ‘t’ and landing on a page that looks absolutely average, yes, but it feels like home.

And now I know I’m doing what I usually do when I attempt to talk (or write) in a straightforward manner i.e. not be straightforward enough but what I’m saying is that looking at this blog, its front-page, makes me consider it as an extension of myself, one which grows a little each day and reminds me why an 18 year can chase after her dream.

A dream that I’m uncertain of, to be honest. That’s the crux of the matter, I guess. What do I want this blog to grow into? I don’t know if I have the audacity to control the path it takes, I’m half part confused and other part motivated (also all-part lazy but that’s a talk for some other time..). It’s just the thought of why does putting so much effort even matter when no one is going to bother caring or even noticing what I do and I know I should hate thinking like that. I can’t let self doubt get in the way of becoming a better writer, gaining a greater online presence and of making things I’m proud of.

So I guess this is a sort of pep talk to myself, a shoulder pat against the feeling of insignificance.

Tinkerer of Words, for me, has, and will continue to be, bigger than just a blog. In fact, it’s the starting line and I am mustn’t be afraid of running. 

 

-Toto

Also shoutout to Kate over at plethoricthoughts who’s been having thoughts of revamping her blog! Reading her posts on the struggle has been oddly therapeutic and ya’ll should go check her blog even though I’m not being paid, nor asked, to do this. (#WouldNotMindBeingPaidThou 😉 )

Gateway to Confusion: Luck and Success

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One of the things that I’m actually perplexed about is the necessity of luck’ to be successful. Now I know that to understand the meaning of luck, you’d have to truly define the meaning of ‘success’.

Which to be honest, is nothing but subjective.

To me, success is the feeling of increased pleasure. That little burst of contentment livening you up like a million fireworks exploding at once. Such a feeling can even last 2 seconds. Yet just those 2 seconds can sometimes be the only available supply to clean yourself of a frown.

I know we usually associate success with money more than it should be identified with the feelings of happiness or satisfaction. Rather these feelings are only thought to be present after wealth has made an appearance. In doing so, success has been made into something only people wrapped in never ending money can have access to.

Hence on our own, we put intimidation into what was meant to be just simple fireworks.

And this is where luck comes in.

Because you see, this is why we seek luck. Like it being the magical key that will let you into the upper level to finally believe that success is not out of your reach. Because when you’re walking around with a blindfold, you need someone to remind you of the crates awaiting to blow up into a million colors.

Thinking about all this messed up stuff, I think I’ve come to a somewhat understandable conclusion: when we humans say “that person is so lucky“, I think what we actually mean is that the said person did not necessarily achieve success but that he or she achieved in understanding the real meaning of success.

Because once that is done, it is only just a matter of time before the sky is lit.

 

-Toto